A Blues for love jones

The 90's were an epic time period to be black.  Black entertainment was at an all time high.  The music was awesome, the movies were great, and the soundtracks to the movies were even better.  To be honest, I am still stuck in the 90's.  Channel's like TVOne and Centric allow me to get my fix of all the popular black 90's shows.  Beside Scandal, I barely watch current television shows.  So here I am watching black television and I see an advertisement for the network premiere of "love jones".  I got a little excited.  I don't know anyone who doesn't love this movie.  In 1997, I was 16 years old.  I didn't see "love jones" in the theatre.  I don't think it appealed to me at the time.  I simply couldn't relate.  I did see it 2 years later in college.  I was older and deeper then so I was able to bond with the movie.  I don't think I have seen this movie in the last 2 years but I will tell you my 30 plus eyes actually see the movie a lot more different.
As I sit here and watch this film, I wonder why do we like this movie so much? Is it the actual depiction of adult relationships?  You know the back and forth: the together one day, and the next we're not;  the you broke my heart so I am going to hurt you too;  the terrible arguments followed by passionate sex.  As long as in the end, everything is alright and he says, "I love you. That's urgent like a @#!."More than likely, the answer is yes.  But now that I look at it with a different set of eyes, I believe that "love jones" may have set me up for failure when it comes to relationships.  I was fairly young and fresh out of my first love when I saw this movie.  That relationship of course was nothing like Darius and Nina's.  But really, did Darius and Nina make me believe that everything they went through in their relationship was normal and okay?  I believe they played their role.  Pop culture has a way of influencing the masses.  I mean, how many folks started doing poetry after this movie?  Don't front, I had a few pieces myself. LOL! But for real, Nina and Darius were completely dysfunctional and I thought that it was okay.  That's the way love goes.  Now believe me, I am very realistic and I know that relationships are far from perfect.  However, my relationship story will not be: we had so many ups and downs, breakups and makeups, spent months apart, but we came back together and we gon' make it!  That's something that my old butt has no time for...anymore.  I'm mad at Darius and Nina and "love jones".  But no worries, I will be right back in love and watching the movie the next time it comes on.  Isn't that the way love goes?

Truthfully yours,
Kayren

Late Post

Here's a Video I recorded back in November and never posted

Truthfully Yours,
Kayren

Sunday FUNday

On yesterday, I turned 32 years old.  And while there is usually a big "to do" about my birthday, I decided this year would be a little easier.  No birthday soiree with fancy clothes and food.  No bottle popping in the club.  This year I invited folks to church and brunch.  If you know me, you know that I live for Sundays! It's a day of fellowship, friends, and family.  I have always felt this way.  Yesterday was the perfect Sunday; my ideal.

I sat at the head of the table at brunch and looked down.  Sitting at the table were friends and family who had come together to celebrate me.  They sat next to and across from each other holding conversations about whatever.  Suddenly for me, all noise in the busy restaurant had ceased and all I could see is the delight and laughter on their faces.  In that moment I saw God's love for me.  He has blessed me with the most caring, thoughtful, and understanding people.  People who have been there for me when I have needed them the most.  These wonderful people were here for me.  And just as sudden as the moment came, it left.  I could hear again.  I made sure that I captured a few shots of them.  As I looked at the shots today, the pictures I took are no comparison to the ones I have etched in my memory's museum.  Those are the one's that I will look to when I am feeling sad and lonely.  Those are the ones that will bring a smile to my face when I am old in my rocking chair.  Those are the ones that I will hold on.  A picture may be worth a thousand words, but the memory of yesterday is worth a thousand years!  When the restaurant brought out my cupcake with the candle I did something different this year.  Instead of a wish for myself, I said a prayer for everyone around me because really, they are all a girl could wish for.  On yesterday, I turned 32 years old...

Truthfully Yours,

Kayren

Stayed tuned for my 32 for 32 video later this week!

The New Normal

It's an icy day here in Dallas.  School/work has been cancelled.  The roads are iced over and the grocery store shelves are empty.  And that's the only thing that is not empty.  So is my bed.  The thing is, I am not single.  Posts on Facebook indicate that people are either tired of their kids or keeping warm, drinking wine, eating icy weather meals with their boo.  And I am just over here reading Facebook status'.  I did work out and make some warm weather comfort food, but the end of the night leaves me to miss my significant other.  This is when I am faced with the new normal.  Honey and I have been dating a year and we are abstaining from sex.  I may have mentioned this before.  This, along with our living situations, makes our relationship very unique for the time.  We only see each other on the weekends due to distance and we do not spend the night with each other.  This is all fine and great but sometimes, a girl just wants to be held.  With ice on the ground, we are stuck away from each other and I am struggling.  The things that I am used to in a relationship are nonexistent in this one.  I have a new normal.  It's kind of equivalent to being in a relationship in high school.  I appreciate the innocence and pureness of our relationship.  We are truly getting to know each other without sex around to cloud our judgement.  You don't typically find that these days.  However, the sexual energy causes its own conflict.  And the fact that I just want to be cuddled up with my boyfriend on an icy day is extremely frustrating.  I almost feel single.  But I am not.  Truth is, I have a great guy that is willing to wait.  I just have to keep my eyes on the bigger picture.  The reward in the end will be great.  I blame the idle mind of cabin fever.  Either way, I figured it would be best to write out my frustrations.  Writing always allows me to get out of myself and then see the bigger picture.  My new normal is our new normal.  And until that normal changes I got my teddy bear to cuddle with...I guess.

Until next time,
Truthfully Kayren